Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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