plz talk dirty to me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she peed on how many people?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
