Betty ford says i'm here all night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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