if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
