I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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