i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
