Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
