Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
