My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
