Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
