Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
