I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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