good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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