i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize