Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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