Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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