I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
