Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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