The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
