I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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