Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
