you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
