Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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