So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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