If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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