I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize