Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
