so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We are two peas in an std pod
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
