Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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