You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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