we need to drink 2009 down the drain
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
