you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
