ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
