and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
