can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So many bounce houses so little time
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
