The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize