My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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