remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I believe in your delicious
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
