How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
