Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize