i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
