I want to have your abortion
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
