I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
