every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
