I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
