You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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