You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
