dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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