is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
