covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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