Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
