This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
