i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize