i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
