I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize