my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
