How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We are two peas in an std pod
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
