More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
