no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
