can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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