she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
