11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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