I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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