Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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