I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
