tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
