i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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