I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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