i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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