no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Can Purell be used as lube?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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