Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
