i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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