There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
