I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
