PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize