I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
