All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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