Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
