i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
