I think my fart just growled at me.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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