wrigley field is MILF paradise
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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