I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
