I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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