Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
