we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
