I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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