That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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