cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
