sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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