look no pants
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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