im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ketchup is God's man juice
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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