the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
