I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
