Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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