Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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