nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
