I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
