Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
