Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
