Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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