So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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