My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
