So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
