The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
