In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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