I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
