is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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