When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
