and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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