She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
