Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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