i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The air was thick with penises
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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